Every Damn Itch

Written by: F.B. Herr

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Lyrics:

I wish that I was happy, I wish that I was rich
I wish I had a body that looked great without a stitch
I wish I had a brain that didn’t have a single glitch
I wish I had a plan I could pull off without a hitch
I wish I knew somebody whose life I could enrich
I wish I was equanimous but all I do is bitch
In the doctor category, I think I need a witch
I told this to my guru, my guru’s name is Mitch
I told this to my guru, whose cellmate is a snitch
He said that’s quite a list but there’s so much you’ll have to ditch
Even your own dog is content with just a scritch
You don’t have to scratch every damn itch

I wish I could play ball but I can’t hit a single pitch
I wish that I could knit but I can’t even drop a stitch
I wish I was a dancer but all I do is twitch
I wish I was an artist but all I make is kitsch
I wish I was a builder but I can’t even dig a ditch
I wish I was a wizard but I don’t understand quidditch
I wish that I was smarter but you can’t just flip a switch
I said this to my guru, who caters to the rich
I said this to my guru, whose girlfriend knows a witch
He said I understand your problem, and that was quite a pitch
It’s ok to be ambitious, but scale it back a titch
Because you don’t have to scratch every damn itch

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